On The Tills - The Ramblings of a Mad Supermarket Worker

Today I wrote from 1 to 800 on the back of receipts, I also contemplated screaming at the customers for their sheer stupidity.
"Would you like a carrier bag or a bag for life?"
Customer: -blank face- "uh." -looks at me for some sort of signal as to what i'm asking-
"A carrier bag -points to carriers- or a bag for life -points to bags for life-"
Customer: "Please love."
"Which one?"
C: "-insert rubbish pun on idea of a bag for life here (may include such examples as: "well I don't know if i'll last til end of't week yet love! HOHOHAOHAAHOAHOAHAHAHAHAHAH -slaps self heartily on the back- or the ever popular "bag for life? How about a bag for now instead eh? AHAHAHAHHAHAHAHA I'M SO FUNNY.... LOVE.")

Then we come to the payment at the end, which seems to be a massive task for some people. Firstly, when people are paying cash and decide to give it to me all in coins, they seem to want to run out of the shop as soon as possible, making them look very suspicious. They back slowly away whilst repeating "it all there love?" "think that's right love" "thanks now love." "don't go spending it all at once now love.". Trying to double check that I've been given the right amount whilst keeping an eye on the disappearing customer AND pretending to laugh at any lame joke he/she comes up with is a lot more stressful than it sounds, especially when they haven't given you the correct amound and you have to yell from one end of the shop to the other to get their attention.
"YOU'RE 1P SHORT!"
"WHAT'S THAT NOW?!"
"1P SHORT"
-customer does awkward pretend run (arms swinging) whilst actually walking over to the till-
"What was that?"
"You're 1p short."
-gives 1p-
"ALRIGHTTHANKSNOWLOVEBYESEEYOULATERHAHAHAHADON'TGOSPENDINGITALLAT-"
"SHUTTHEFUCKUP"
...............
ok so it actually ends with me awkwardly laughing and nodding.

Secondly, there are the people wanting to pay by card. The card machine is literally right in front of them, yet a lot still hand me the card so i can twist my arm around the front of the checkout and put it in for them.
"Any cashback?"
"yes, £100 please."
"Sorry we only do up to £50."
-customer smiles and nods then looks down at card machine-
"We only do up to £50, would you like that instead?"
"Oh sorry love, miles away, yes £50 is fine."
-I go to enter in the amount of cashback BUT-
beep beep beep beep beep BLEEP
"What's going on here?!?!?!?!?!?!?!"
"You need to wait for it to say enter pin before you enter the pin"
"Oh right."

Why
are
some
people
so
completely
stupid?!

Eins

Day 01 - Your current relationship, if single discuss how single life is.

I have an incredibly busy schedule and therefore being single fits with it perfectly. Most week nights I'm found skydiving or training feral children to speak english, use a knife and fork correctly, dance the charleston etc, basically the essentials of life in our modern society. At weekends I'm usually found teaching over 40s to swim. Some say i care too much... I think not enough...

So Weak...

I found this one and it seemed much more interesting!

Day 01 - Your current relationship, if single discuss how single life is.
Day 02 - Where you’d like to be in 10 years.
Day 03 - Your views on drugs and alcohol.
Day 04 - Your views on religion.
Day 05 - A time you thought about ending your own life.
Day 06 - Write 30 interesting facts about yourself.
Day 07 - Your zodiac sign and if you think it fits your personality.
Day 08 - A moment you felt the most satisfied with your life.
Day 09 - How you hope your future will be like.
Day 10 - Discuss your first love and first kiss.
Day 11 - Put your ipod on shuffle and write 10 songs that pop up.
Day 12 - Bullet your whole day.
Day 13 - Somewhere you’d like to move or visit.
Day 14 - Your earliest memory.
Day 15 - Your favorite tumblrs.
Day 16 - Your views on mainstream music.
Day 17 - Your highs and lows of this past year.
Day 18 - Your beliefs.
Day 19 - Disrespecting your parents.
Day 20 - How important you think education is.
Day 21 - One of your favorite shows.
Day 22 - How have you changed in the past 2 years?
Day 23 - Give pictures of 5 guys who are famous who you find attractive.
Day 24 - Your favorite movie and what it’s about.
Day 25 - Someone who fascinates you and why.
Day 26 - What kind of person attracts you.
Day 27 - A problem that you have had.
Day 28 - Something that you miss.
Day 29 - Goals for the next 30 days.
Day 30 - Your highs and lows of this month

Come on Horace!

Q.Day 01 — Your favorite song?
A.http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PFU9HYyMVxQ
Diary of Horace Wimp - Electric Light Orchestra

Cheers Mick (father Connelly) for being a true retro when it comes to music - even though to you it's entirely relevant, as always. Had Mick (A full time Nick Hewer from the Apprentice impersonator) not been such a massive music fan in the 70s, I wouldn't have the music taste I have today. And I very much like the music taste I have today, it tastes good thanks.

CONFORM.

The 30 day blog challenge.
Day 01 — Your favorite song
Day 02 — Your favorite movie
Day 03 — Your favorite television program
Day 04 — Your favorite book
Day 05 — Your favorite quote
Day 06 — Whatever tickles your fancy
Day 07 — A photo that makes you happy
Day 08 — A photo that makes you angry/sad
Day 09 — A photo you took
Day 10 — A photo of you taken over ten years ago
Day 11 — A photo of you taken recently
Day 12 — Whatever tickles your fancy
Day 13 — A fictional book
Day 14 — A non-fictional book
Day 15 — A fanfic
Day 16 — A song that makes you cry (or nearly)
Day 17 — An art piece (painting, drawing, sculpture, etc.)
Day 18 — Whatever tickles your fancy
Day 19 — A talent of yours
Day 20 — A hobby of yours
Day 21 — A recipe
Day 22 — A website
Day 23 — A YouTube video
Day 24 — Whatever tickles your fancy
Day 25 — Your day, in great detail
Day 26 — Your week, in great detail
Day 27 — This month, in great detail
Day 28 — This year, in great detail
Day 29 — Hopes, dreams and plans for the next 365 days
Day 30 — Whatever tickles your fancy

Meaningless List + Philosophical Musings on Stalking etc.

-Listen to sad songs and pretend to have something to be sad about
-Laugh at dogs with muzzles on, safe in the knowledge they can't do anything about it.
-Enter/exit places via the window JUST BECAUSE YOU CAN.
-Kick doors down even when they're unlocked... No wait, ESPECIALLY when they're unlocked.
-Lick the icing off cakes and blame it on the cat just so you can eat them all.
-SNIFF GLUE.
-Say: "My mission is to pacify Ireland" in answer to any given question.
-Tiger tiger tiger swimming tiger tiger.

Here's a question: When is the line drawn between people watching and stalking? In a park - that's fine. In someones attic - naaaaaaaaaaaaah!

Write about what you know

I am ready to write again! How can I possibly be sure of this? Because I have absolutely nothing else to do for the next 20 minutes! You lucky lucky people, don't say I don't spoil you! It has recently been brought to my attention that I am a very critical person who finds fault in everything and can be irritated by anyone. Now people say this is a bad way to be, but personally I think it's great. Only when you're irritated by someone can you accurately impersonate them, and everybody loves impressions. That's another thing, I was once told to go a day without impersonating anyone... I lasted a few minutes. I do it almost without realising. Take for example my older sister Mica, since she's been at university she seems to be speaking in a million different accents at any given time (maybe a bit of a hyperbole there but still). So when she came home for the summer I realised how I cannot go a conversation with her without repeating something she just said at least twice in whatever accent she says it in. One minute she sounds a bit like a Geordie, the next it's a Scouser the BAM - out of nowhere she's South African. Ok the last part was a lie but I don't doubt that it could happen. So the moral of my brief post is this: Embrace seeing peoples flaws because it will make you feel better... But if someone spots out yours, punch them right in the ovaries.